You must never draw until you know how many are against you, or you’ve satisfied yourself that you can never know, or you’ve decided it’s your day to die.

I was born on the 6th of May, in the year 1982. It was a Thursday. In the years that I have spent on this planet I have learned to walk, eat on my own, crap in a place other than my shorts, drive a motor vehicle, and surf the interwebs. I have fallen in love. I have gotten married. I have had 3 beautiful children, and am still raising them. I have made friends. I have lost friends. I have done most things that a typical first world male is expected to do. But this year is indeed a milestone age. I am turning thirty this year. Three decades. One and a half score. I have lived a decent life. I have done everything I can to try to give my family everything that they want and need. My kids are cared for and have pretty much everything they could ever ask for. I though, don’t always get the things I really want. Yeah, I will treat myself to a video game or some other trinket on occasion. But the stuff I really want, I usually just leave by the wayside for some other day. But not anymore! I am treating myself this year. I am getting things that I have always wanted. I will be posting pictures and letting you all in on what I have gotten. Suffice it to say, I will be a happy boy this year! =)

This last move was the straw that broke the camel’s back. The sad part is, you would think that I am used to being hurt and betrayed. You would think that I am used to getting the shit end of things. But I can’t do this anymore. I can’t. It almost killed me last time. I was so devastated by the knowledge that… That… Well, let’s just say it went bad. I can barely get my thoughts together right now. It’s all just too much. And I can’t do it anymore. I am trying real hard not to just spit out a bunch of one liners. I can’t think. My hands are trembling. My blood is boiling. I can’t do it anymore. I broke down and cried. In front of my son I cried. I had reassure him that I wasn’t upset or angry with him. Hopefully I put his fears to rest. Hopefully. My fingers are cold. I feel cold. I guess these are the physical symptoms of a broken heart. [myocardial fracture] LOL. I have to keep it light and funny. Lest I go crazy and do something stupid. Again.

This whole section of my life has been a game of chess. A game, I thought anyways, was going to end in a draw. I figured we’d both just settle down and put aside our squabbles. Retire ourselves to quiet lives of solitude. She at one end of the board. I at the other. Both with nothing left but the King, and nowhere to go to escape the inevitably. I was a fool.

She is inhuman. No heart. No feelings. Just evil. Pure evil. I can sit here and say that she will never find anyone like me again. And I’m probably right. I don’t think anyone else will put up with her shit like I did. Maybe I was confused.  Maybe I thought I was in love, but in fact I was just infatuated with an illusion. I fell for the mirage, and awoke with a mouthful of earth and sand. The last experience has taught me many things. Most importantly: She isn’t worth it. No one is. Well, my kids are, but I pray that is never tested. I will go about things differently this time. No threats. No rash behavior. Just me. I’m going to be me. I’m going to do what I do best. And what is that, you may ask. Why I’ll tell you! I’m best at caring and loving people. Be it friend, acquaintance, relative, pet or some other manner of relationship. I love and care for people. I refuse to let this beat me like it has before. I refuse to let this be the end of me! I will rise above the ill mannered tempers. I will defeat the anger and malice. I have God on my side this time. Oh yes, I do!

He was always there for me before and I strayed away from him. The repercussions of my previous transgressions have rendered me hurt and alone. Not in a literal sense. I have friends that have stood by me. And I have some that have not. I do not feel any ill will towards them. But there are some people that, well, let’s just say that I don’t wish them any bad. But I wish them no good as well.

I lost this game. I will not play it anymore. I’m going to reset the pieces and wait for someone else to come along.